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Thyroid issues are also common in women our age- it's definitely worth getting that checked out. It might be worth it for her to talk to her doctor about trying a different prescription. It could also very well be her specific SSRI.I've been on and off them for decades, and some of them definitely killed my sex drive. You could also try seeing a sex therapist together, before you move in. Is it possible that she's in perimenopause? If she liked sex more when she was younger, it may be hormonal changes that can be assessed and treated. It's been my experience that sex generally tends to decrease over time when you live together, unless you both make a concerted effort to keep it alive. I’ve figured if we lived together we’d have sex more often because there’d be more opportunities to. Do it because you love her and want her to be happy. I think the thing to do here is engage in sex less that you actually want to.
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She's doing this because she loves you and wants you to be happy. She is probably already engaging in sex with you more than she actually wants to. Unfortunately, I don't think there is an easy answer to this. Then give her a big hug and cuddle afterwards, then offer to make her a coffee. She might do nothing and just enjoy the sensations, let her. Stroke her hair, gently run your hands over her neck, shoulder, arms, stomach, thighs. These are all things that can spark arousal in a woman, but cannot be done with the expectation that it will cause enough arousal in her to want sex. just holding her, stroking her hair and kisses on the forehead. Body massages, candle lit baths, non sexual touching. I do like your idea of introducing more non sexual intimate times into your relationship. I honestly would be quite offended at this suggestion. She expressed to you that she didn't want to engage in sex as frequently, so your solution is sex for you, and a massage for her. Of course she will have to fake enthusiasm, because honestly, she will not be enthusiastic about it.īut I think it's highly problematic to even ask for her to help you get off in exchange for a massage. That includes helping you reach orgasm in exchange for a body massage. Her low sex drive means not only does she not want to receive sex, she also likely does not want to give sex either. Especially for women, sex is mostly mental and we need to be in the right state of arousal to want to do ANYTHING sexual. Sex is so much more than PIV intercourse. She’s very open about her anxiety & depression & has had the same therapist for >10 years. I’m almost certain there’s no sexual trauma in her past.
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When she explained it she seems content to accept it as part of getting older. Couple final details… -She’s on an SSRI which may have something to do with it. Prior to that it would have been a deal breaker. My former wife & I were together 20 years & had pretty comparable sex drive right up till the end. I feel like I sound naïve but just haven’t had this issue before. Is that reasonable for me to request & hope for? I don’t want her to do so out of obligation or fake enthusiasm. If she’s comfortable helping me orgasm after or before, it could be enough intimacy for me. She enjoys body rubs, I enjoy giving them. What could is being physically close in a mutually enjoyable way. And me masturbating by myself isn’t one of them. I can think of a few ways we could make it work. I’d like to discuss it in person & when we’ll be together for a while. She told me this a few nights ago & It’ll be ~a week until we’re together overnight again. IOW, this isn’t a deal breaker but we do need to figure it out. I’m confident she loves me & wants to eventually get married. I think it’s less of a change in desire & more her finally expressing how she’s felt for some time. Lately she’s expressed concern because she doesn’t feel desire for sex as much as me. We spend nights together about 1/2 the time. We’re both divorced parents, not living together yet. Sex hasn’t been as often as I might want but regular enough. How do you make it work? Are you willing & comfortable still being physically intimate/naked & helping your partner orgasm? I’m straight 55yo male, with my current partner 5 years. Question for anyone with low sex drive in a loving relationship w/someone w/higher sex drive.